Broken Promise...

Have you ever felt so disappointed in yourself? That deep burn in your guts knowing that you messed up. Not just to yourself but to the one you love, I feel that now. Maybe that’s why I am still awake. Maybe that’s why even when you were laying down beside me, I still felt the unrest in my soul.

Here is the truth. I NEVER make promises; not because I can’t keep them just for the mere fact that I don’t want to ever disappoint anyone. I made a promise to you to stick by you through thick and thin, through good and bad, through happy times and sad ones but I failed you today. I let my ego, arrogance and stupidity get in the way. I left you even when I should have stayed closer to you. I made you cry which broke my heart because I hate when I see you that way. To be honest, I don’t know what got me more, the disappointed look you had in your eyes or the demeanour about how irritated you felt to be around me or the pain that you were going through and I felt you were trying to bottle up because saying it would have made the matter worse. I feel so lost for the first time in this. This is the first time I felt so scared because I felt like you were about to leave and walk out. This is the first time I am crying within me and trust me it’s worse than crying out.  

M, I am sorry. I wish there were words to express how sorry I am. I am laying down in this emptiness, I can smell you on my sheets and I have mixed feelings: one, that I was almost close to losing that smell and two, how I miss you so much. I’m sorry if I ever made you feel you were not important to me because that is biggest disappointment I can ever show you.

You are the most important person to me and I don’t take that for granted. I love you so much and I never want you to feel like the way you felt today. I’m sorry I broke the promise I made to you. I wish I could take back the hands of time and correct this mistake. I am not a perfect man babe but God knows I am working hard towards it.

I love you so much and from the deepest part of my heart I am sorry I broke my promise.

The Last Piece...

Paradise...

It’s been 161 days since she said yes to me and let me tell you my experience. From the first day, I set my eyes on you, you have been all I can think about. You are my happiness, my joy, my hope. I hold you in my arms and I feel like I am home. Home went from being a place or a bed to you Muffin.

I know it’s been 24 days since I last wrote to you, this is not beautiful I have been busy. It’s basically because I have been drawn into your world and I never want to get out. I never understood or said the words “I love you” until I met you. Never did I understand those words but you give it meaning. You are my baby, my life. You are a one human constant in a life equation, you are my teacher, my best friend. You are my support system, my rare gem, my heartbeat, my strength, my laughter, my food buddie, my lover, my prayer partner, the future mother of our 2 kids, my wife, my girlfriend. You are my helper, my teammate. You are the most beautiful and most amazing lady I have met and I ask myself what I did or have done to deserve you.

You are everything I didn’t deserve and way more than I asked God for. I know sometimes I can be annoying and irritating but ever though you get angry and upset, you are patient with me. I get lost in you all the time. Your eyes are the only lights that I can let on all the days of my life. Your lips are addictive and my constant high, I will burn the rehab down if they should take me there to redeem myself from your lips. Your brains are the smartest, with the ideas that come from them. Your hands I can hold all day for the rest of my life. Your body is the most beautiful I have seen. I can stare at you all day without doing anything else and I will feel satisfied.

This 161 days have been a rollercoaster of emotions but the best part is this; I will do it again and again with no other person but you. Thank you for coming into my life and giving it meaning. Thank you for showing me that there is light at the end of the tunnel. Thank you for defining love and showing me that there is still good in the world. Thank you for seeing me even when I wanted to stay in the shadows. Thank you for loving me. 

Forever and a Year After

                                                                                                                         M.M.