Counting Down...

I can never get tired of you saying or writing those 3 words. I have never had to use those 3 words before until you came into my life. As I sit here getting ready to get for the crossover, all I can do is think about how the year has gone.

365 days ago, I wrote the 3 things I wanted for 2016 and love was the last on the list because I didn’t expect it to happen. I didn’t think that in my wildest dreams I will find love. I always felt it was exaggerated, it only exists in novels or movies then I met you. Now let me tell you this, I felt like I was way out of your league, felt like how will the world’s most beautiful lady even look at me. Here is the thing, for some weird reason we started talking. I couldn’t understand how God had made someone like this. I always felt like no one can be this perfect and complete but there I was looking and listening to you. For every conversation, we had I got to understand that all the scars were because of the past. I couldn’t understand how someone will have perfection and want something else.

As everyday went by and I got to know you I made a promise to myself that regardless of the outcome I will do my best to heal the wounds. To be honest I had no idea how I will do that as I was broken and damaged myself. But I found out that the more I tried to heal your wound and how you that the world still has good in it, I was getting repaired as well. Is it not weird how two incomplete pieces can all of a sudden become whole again? I got to know you and I fell in love with you. Yes, I know I’ve never used it before but you made me understand love. I look at you and I see everything I want in a best friend, a lover, a wife and the mother of my kids. You made me understand that love is a decision and you have to be ready to fight for it.

So as 2016 ends in a few hours, I want you to know that you are the reason this year has being amazing. I have memories with you that I think about and I am filled with so much joy and happiness. I think about the fights and arguments we have had and I am saying “Damn that was silly” Thank you for coming into my life and filling it with so much happiness. Thank you for making me understand and experience love. Thank you for creating memories that will last me a lifetime and we can share with our kids.

Here is to 2017 and beyond, may we create more memories that will fill our lives with happiness, joy and love. May our love grow stronger each passing day. May we spend forever one day as one and wife. I will never get tired of telling you this; you are my everything, my life, my world, my soul, my air. I will always love you… I love you more than the mostest… I love you today, more tomorrow and even more forever. See you in 2017.

Always and Forever

                                                                                                        M.M.

Mine

You are more than just the man I love.You are the friend I can share my deepest secrets with. I feel that I have so much love to give and that it’s been bottled up inside me for so long. No one but you has been interested in opening the bottle to see what’s inside. You have not only been interested and willing to open that bottle but you inspire and encourage what’s inside.

You are the man I want to share life’s adventures with. I think we have been brought together at this time in our lives for something very special. I can’t wait to explore what life has in store for us.

I know I write these words several times a day; I hope they never lose their meaning and I hope you never get tired of hearing them  … I love you … now, always, forever. 

You Are My Forever

You're so special more than you know and more than I show. You're my soul mate, my lover, you're all that I know. It's your smile, your eyes, your heart, your goofy dance that makes me want you even more.

I'll love you forever even long after we die. You're my friend, my lover, my life, my light, my future wife, my shoulder and my strength. I would go to any length for you. You're the person I need and the one who is always there for me. I have you right now and it doesn't seem fair because right now isn't enough and forever is too soon without you I wouldn’t know what to do. You're more than a friend and more than my wife too, you're my forever and forever isn't long enough for both of us. You're a beautiful soul and I could never forget you. I pray that we are together now and forever.

No words could ever tell you, none of my actions could express the way I feel about you. With you, my life is blessed. You're the light in my tunnel, my strength that gets me through when despair has taken hold. You're my once in a lifetime, you make my life complete. There's nothing I could ever say and nothing I could do to let you know just how much love is in my heart for you. I miss your touch, the smile on your face and the sound of your voice so sweet. My one desire is to love you so much that you never have doubt and ever think of anything else but me. The love that I feel for you is so overpowering that at times I want to shout out that I love you and I adore you, I want the world to hear me praise and love for you. I wish that I could lift you to the stars above and I know that you were sent by God to me with love. I adore you not only for only your beauty but for what you have shared with me, your love.

You are the most beautiful person whose inner beauty is incomparable to anything imagined or made. I look at you and see a special person, one of a kind, my future. In 2016, I feel God has blessed us all and me especially with you. Someone so divine, sophisticated yet so simple. Please know that I love you for all that you are and more. I promise to love you, hold you, adore you and praise you for as long as I live.

You are my forever 

Different

Things are different now. No other eyes are as captivating. No other smile is as contagious.

No one else’s words are as reassuring. No other arms are as comforting. I don’t get butterflies at the thought of anyone else.

When another walks by, I no longer give a second look. It’s like no one else exists; no one but you. They say that “love is blind;” and if anything, I’m only blind to everyone else.

Seeing through the eyes of love is like seeing under a microscope. I see things in you that I could never see in others. Each little quirk, story, and moment with you are like the cells that make you who you are to me. It’s as though I’ve discovered something for the very first time, and now that I know of its existence I can’t imagine a world without.

As I learn about you, I am also learning about myself. I’ve never felt like I quite belonged in this world until now. Until I had someone to walk beside me, encourage me, dream with me.

I smile at the thought of you. I am sad at thought of being away from you.

Things are different now. A few years ago I never thought this would happen. I had given up hope. But here you are… my love, my happiness, my future.

Things are different now. 

I love you.

NightCap...

When I am without you, the sun doesn't shine so bright. When I am not with you, the clouds are dark and heavy. When I am without you, the birds don't sing as sweetly as I know them to sing. When I am not with you, I feel like the walls are closing in on me, but when I am with you, you lift me up, you give me strength to move mountains, to withstand anything. Your smile warms my soul. When I am with you, I fall in love deeper every time.

I miss you M. I want to hug you so close and feel your beating heart which is like a beautiful song. I can't live without you. I love the way you smile at me, the way when we are together we can mess around and be free. You can be weird, strange and be slightly a loner but all this means nothing to me because you are who you are and I can see your beauty, awesomeness inside and out which was one of the things that threw me and swept me off. The first time that I saw you, I knew I must steal your heart. I hoped that it will be mine forever and that we never part. You point and lighten up my way. You complete me. You've brought to my life all your love and care and made me realized that you are rare, extinct specie.

What you've done, you've illuminated my soul. It's you and your love that has made me whole. All that we have always felt missing before, though I love you today, tomorrow it will be more. Our love is life, which will always grow forever. You have opened my heart and held it, you have seen my ups and cared when I was low. I want empty and had nothing in my life until you came and turned everything around.

So thank you for being my light and for being amazing. Words can’t describe you much you have changed my life and made everything beautiful. I love you for that. Thank you for the little things you do and above all thank you for being you and letting me in.

Always and Forever

                                                                                                      M.M.

Just Before I Drift..

You are the sole reason that I breathe. My life is yours, my hopes and desires too. Until my dying day, my heart is reserved just for you. You are everything I could ever need and more, more than I deserve or ever wished for. You are my baby, my angel, my dream girl, my lover, my wife, my support system.

I'm thankful every day that you are my whole world. The thought of your lips is struck in my head. Lips so soft, the thought of kissing you is stuck in my head. Kissing you literally takes my breathe away. Your beauty so bright and warm showing me every day that you are the most beautiful lady in the world. This kind of beauty shining through darkness. Your eyes sparkle like stars in the night sky, yes, those eyes that when I stare into them I feel like I am flying high. My love for you is pure and true, and I will never stop thinking of you. To hear the sound of your voice saying "I love you" makes my heart race because I knew I'd truly found my one and only. I promise to love you for every moment of forever

How did I get so lucky? How are you so perfect for me in every single way? Your laugh should be illegal because it's too cute. I never want to spend a minute without you. You are so special, and I'm glad that I can say you are mine because when I'm with you I feel far from ordinary. 

Just in bed thinking out loud and I thought I should let you know.

Always and Forever

                                                                                                       M.M.

Here Is A Toast...

I look at you as if you are the only girl around. You are so important to me and I will never let you go. You've shown me how to live, how to smile, what to say, how to react. You've shown me every day that I’m worth it and what love it.

Your value in my life is more than all the world's treasures. I would always build you up and not tear you down. You will forever be admired for her endless love & care towards me, and looked upon as a priceless gift from the Big Guy. I treasure each day as if it were our last, and at the end of your life you won't be regretting your past because you met me and you have given my life a purpose. It was a big day for you and I’m sorry I couldn’t surprise you by showing up but today was another confirmation that you are an amazing strong woman and I am so proud of you. You are the apple of my eye, the reason that I live. M, you are all that I wished for and more. I give my heart to you because you are special. These words I have been writing is to thank you for always being my friend, my best friend, my confidant, my lover, my wife, my support system, my adviser, my eating buddy, my teammate. 

You are my sunshine in the morning, your eyes are stars that's in my sky. You stand always by my side, no matter what. You comfort me with steadfast love each and every day. I know sometimes I always seem so needy, and asking you to do one more thing for me *close face in shame* I feel so greedy. Don’t know how to ever thank you for all you have done for me? I can only give you all of my heart, and love you endlessly.

You are the one I love the most and since I wasn’t there for the event I propose a toast; May we grow old and still have fun because I love you to infinity over infinity and my heart you've forever.

Always and Forever

                                                                                                       M.M.

I wish you were here

Today has been really weird. 

I keep looking at the door expecting you to walk through any Minute.

Today would have been perfect if you'd been here. All my stress would have melted away because you would have held my hand, or rubbed my back. Hell, your mere presence would have been enough.

Thank you for the note you (would have) snuck in my dress. It meant the world to me and brought the much needed calm in the midst of the storm. You always seem to know what I need and when I need it.

You bring me so much joy.

You make my heart sing.

I can't wait for you to be a permanent fixture on days like this and at events like this.

Thank you for being you.

Patiently waiting for forever.

m.

I Just Want To Be With You

I am missing my rib. It’d day 6 and I miss my baby. I feel like we were both incomplete pieces and we have each other to make a very unique piece. Everyday there is a smile on my face because even the fact that you are miles away, I can still feel your presence; in your voice, your letters, your messages.

I’m literally counting down days to see you again. You are my heart, my soul, my air. Thinking of you always brings a smile to my face. Recently I find myself talk about you all the time, you are my definition of love, you have brought so much joy to my life. Today is a big day for you and I feel sorry that I am not there with you, to help you out, to make sure you are okay, to make sure you are not stressed, to make sure that you are smiling even when someone is trying to irritate you.

M, if I thought for just one moment that this would be my last breath, I'd tell you I'll love you always and forever, even beyond death. If I had just one moment that your face would be the last I'd see, I'd take a billion pictures and save them just for myself so I can keep admiring the most beautiful lady in the world. If I thought for just one moment that my heart would beat its last beat, I'd thank God for allowing us to meet.  Before I met you, I felt that I couldn’t understand love, that nobody would be able to fill the void in my heart, but everything changed when I met you... Then I came to realize you were always on my mind. You're funny and sweet, you make me laugh and smile, you take away all my anger and sadness. You are the most beautiful woman I have ever seen, more beautiful than any flower that I have ever seen in reality or in the movies, you made me weak when I talked to you, then I have found myself writing and expressing myself to you. I want to slip a note in your bag before the dinner but I guess this is my way of doing that since I am not there. Now, I have come to realize that I am hopelessly in love with you.

When I say, I love you, believe it's true. When I say forever, know I'll never leave you. When I say goodbye, promise me you won't cry because the day I'll be saying that will be the day I die. So know this I will love you forever M, I will be by your side till the end, in the midst of all fights and future arguments I want you to know that I am sorry and I love you regardless. 

Can't wait to be back with you in my arms, to kiss you and get lost in your eyes because you are my world and I love you more than the mostest.

Always and Forever

                                                                                                       M.M.

Officially Missing You

Dear M.m, 

It's been five days since you've been gone. I don't know how I've been surviving. I've been walking around, putting on a brave front, but I'm dying on the inside. It's almost like someone pulled out my lungs and left me for dead. My heart is heavy, my chest feels engorged, I'm gasping for air.

I don't know what to do with myself, I don't want to get out of bed. I'm trying to be okay, but the truth is; I'm not. I miss you so much it hurts. I feel so lost and alone. The other half of me is gone. I'm like an incomplete puzzle whose box was short a few key pieces. I want to cry, but I feel like an empty well.

It sucks so much that we didn't get to spend our first Christmas together. I totally understand, but it sucks all the same. My Christmas was missing it's merry. It was like santa died and the whole North Pole was in mourning.

But yeah, like we said, we have many more christmases to spend together.

I would do absolutely anything to be able snuggle next to you right now, 

bury my head in your chest and interlock my fingers with yours. 

To be able to look up at you and smile whenever I want to.

To be able to lean up and kiss you whenever I want to. 

To be able to tell you how I feel whenever I want to.

M.m, you are my air, my joy, my laughter, my kryptonite.

You are the greatest gift I could ever receive.

You've completely turned my life upside down and inside out.

You've glued all my shattered pieces together and made me whole again.

You've righted all my wrongs and chased away all my fears.

You've given my life a whole new meaning, and given me a new purpose- To love you all my days.

My heart has found its destiny, my body; it's partner, my soul; it's mate.

I can't wait to see you again and look into your eyes, 

To feel the warmth of your embrace.

I can't wait to start my forever with you.

I'll try my best to survive the next five days.

They'll feel like 5 years, but at least I'll get to be with you at the end of it.

P.S.

Long distance stucks ass!!!!

Patiently waiting to resume

always and forever.

m.

Walking On Eggshells

Have you ever been in love before? When all you can think about and do is just about one person. I have found myself in that situation. Now the thing is this, I used to abuse people for being what I am now but I find myself doing all these things. I met this amazing lady who has changed the way I look at things now.

She is my breath of fresh air. I see my entire future with no one else but her. I know I walk on eggshells sometimes but the truth is I get scared. Scared that someone is going to make you happier than I do, scared that someone will see all the things I see in you and want it all for themselves. The truth is this I have never felt this way before and it scares me a lot and that’s the truth. But here is my reality I am in love with you M. Yes, I’m scared but I feel like it makes me the perfect candidate. Babe, I’m in love with you and I will fight every day to show you that you made the right choice. You fill my life with so much joy. You are a rare gem. Writing this now and I remember when I used to feel worthless with myself and you telling me it was not right for me to feel that way. Who knew you will be the one to fill up the void and make me feel better about myself.

Here is the thing; I made a promise to you some time ago and I just want to remind you. I will love you each day more than I did the previous day because you have given me more than I have ever wished for or wanted. I promise that I will always take care of you, I will fight for you, I will love you, I already like for you to see you smile and happy. I prayed to the Big Guy and he gave me more than I asked for.

You are my lover, my best friend, my confidant, my girlfriend, my wife, the mother of my two kids, my heartbeat, my soul, my air, my cuddle bear, my annoying partner, my caring lady, my thoughtful queen. I can go on what you are to me.

I love you endlessly and I will continue to love you. So brace yourself Wifey because you are STUCK... with me

Always and Forever

                                                                                                        M.M.

The Journey

All through the journey I thought about you. If you were okay? What were you doing now? I miss you so much babe. I got quite emotional even when I figured she was not snooping around but was doing your bidding. Your thoughtfulness, the fact that you are miles away but yet you are surprising me.

I started reading the history of our conversations and I found out that you have been an amazing human. We have not changed in our conversation instead I feel like we have become more open and honest. I was also reading our book on the journey and I feel like I have studied this book before because I’ve been following the book according. This makes me realise that you are the one for me. The one I want to spend the rest of my life with. The one I want to be the mother of my two kids. The one I want to grow old with. I have come in contact with a lot of people but what I have and what we shared, I don’t want it with any other person but you.

M, you are my everything. For every bad experience, I have been through you have made me feel safe and secure about myself. For every heart break and pain, you have comforted me and given me a brand-new reason to love. I was scared to let me in but you gave me assurances that you got me. I see that every day in the way you behave and act, in the way you love me or look out for me, in the way you are willing to fight and be my support system.

I love you for being my everything. I miss you so much every day and it makes me countdown to when I will see your pretty face, your captivating smile, to hear your giggle and see you do our hyper dance. I can’t wait to start spending forever with you as my wife. I like the sound of that, my wife.

Always and Forever

                                                                                                       M.M.

On The Road...

It’s the day we hit the road, yesterday was hard because you had family and friends around but I was not there for you. It’s hard to live without you. I am constantly thinking about what you are doing, if you are okay. I miss you babe you have no idea how much. I know it’s not easy for you because I left, leaving you sad and lonely but you are not alone. You are constantly with me as I am with you. You are in my thoughts, my word, everything around me seems to remind me of you. A song, a comment, someone walking or carrying a funny hairdo, everything reminds me about you.

Since I have been home all I talk about is you. I miss you so much. You make me understand what love is. I am so happy to talk about love, you should see me talk about it like we have been married for years but I don’t care I feel like I am married to the most amazing woman in the world. M, I know I embark on this journey to the east *LOL!!! Feeling like a wise man* but you are always with you.

You have given me a new song, a new smile, a new dance. You are my heart, my soul, my everything. I look at you and I see everything; my present, my future. It’s beautiful how we speak the things that be already like our kids, how we plan on disciplining them, their names. Kids I hope you get to read this and it’s simple, I pray you find love like this. Love that overwhelms you, that takes you to a place only you can explain, love that makes your heart smile and race at the same time, love that makes you feel safe, love that gives you so much joy that when you feel sad and lonely you think about the person and then you have joy overflowing, love that feels like the one I have for your mother. I fall in love with her more every day.

For the man, I’m becoming because of you I say thank you. I want to fast forward time so I can get to the part where you are my wife but I feel like that already except for the fact that it’s not yet official. I love you more than the mostest. Thank you for being more than I prayed to God for. Thank you for loving me and letting me into your life. Thank you for all the fights, arguments we have had because I feel like they have made us stronger together. Thank you for being you. 

Always and Forever

                                                                                                                           M.M.

My First Glance

So, I saw something recently that made we realise that I had found the one. It said “I think you know you’ve found someone special when you meet them for the first time, and it feels like you’re just picking up where you left off. You kind of look at them and think “Where the hell did you come from? Where the hell have you been?”

It’s exactly 365 days that I saw you and no I know it’s more than that but I can’t count the first time because I saw you for 90 seconds before you had to step into that room.

But today, 365 days ago, I was in your space, like literally 2 people away from you. You made me believe in love at first sight, even though I am still of the opinion that I must have loved you before.

Many times, we stumble through circumstances and the illusion/ past life finally meets us again, we feel it faster and it gets us closer to the person each time. The one glance that sets life alight is 2 sets of 2eyes staring through the layers of lifetime and stolen glances and hands held and conversations we had in corners yet in the brace against weight and unrelenting tide of waiting and letting you decide.

I believe in love at first sight but am not burdened with the misconception that it’s a first sight at all. M, you have changed my life and I know that is an understatement. Thank you for making me know what love is. Thank you for seeing beyond all the mess and the part. Every time I look at you I see our future clearly, I made a promise to you to always love you and I intend to keep it.

You have been a blessing in my life and it’s in the tiny things. Thank you for little notes you leave around for me to find. Thank you for loving me. Thank you for the magic dust around you that make everything better once I get around you. Thank you for seeing me and letting me into your life.

Today, I am appreciating the first glance I had at you. I am grateful that I didn’t miss it. For the woman, you are becoming every day, for the awesome mum you will be, for the crossroads, black path you have had to tread to become who you are, I am grateful to God.

M, words fail me all the time when I think about who you are as a person, as my best friend, as my lover and as my wife. You have changed my life for the better. You are my team and I love you most.

Here is another one, I promise to love you for every moment in a day and forever

Always and Forever

                                                                                                       M.M.

Being Thankful for Days of The Month

I had no idea today was Thanksgiving.

I guess because I’m thankful everyday for having you in my life.

I normally wake up to pray and you are constantly in my prayers.

Today was different, I had prayed for you in the middle of the night, I jumped in the shower and I prayed again for you. I was driving to work and I prayed again for you.

What am I thankful for; I am thankful for November because that was the first time I saw you.

I am thankful for December because I remember how you looked and packed your hair when you came to pick up the envelope. I also remember that subconscious thing you were doing with your hand as well.

 I’m thankful for January because You tasted my food, we spoke for the first time. January had its mistakes because I lost focus and I trusted the wrong person but…

February was better and I am thankful for the outbreak because before then you saw me, and we had our first conversation and even though we didn’t finish it, it was one of the best times.

Thankful for March because even though you lost someone close to you, I tried to get close to you. This is when I started “stalking” you with pictures I think or maybe I started before then.

As the months went by we started getting closer and so April I started opening up to you and I am thankful because I started to express how I felt to you. I am definitely thankful for May because you were born in this amazing month with 2 women that matter to me. I am thankful for letting me in on the fabric you wanted to get for the wedding. June I am thankful that my parents decided to bring me into the world. This month was special because you were worried about going across the bridge for the test.

July was hectic as hell for you because you had to take on way too many roles: planner, shopper, tailor, mechanic, agent, the list goes on. Thankful to God for you because I saw how strong you are from planning, the bouquet etc. to how caring and thoughtful you are (when I landed and there was food for me), the hands-on swag you have, the creative and artistic thing you can do with fabric, flowers, I am sure you can do it with air. Grateful for this month because I was chosen. YES!!! Feels like the matrix.

Thankful for August because the milk factory knew that they will be silly not to take you. The surprise blow my mind. I’m thankful for your crazy mind, your thoughtfulness, your aura, your openness with me, your family; their relationship with the Big Guy, how they raised you up. September was when I had to show you that I was thankful and the milk factory shipped you out for a week. It was hard because for the first time I was choking because you are my air. October was harder but thankful for all the crazy things you did like magically showing up at the airport.

2016 didn’t go according to plan but to be honest I am still thankful. I am thankful because one aspect of my life was sorted. I am thankful for your smile, your mind, your laughter, your beautiful skin, your lips that I can kiss all day. I am thankful for your eyes because I am lost in them all the time.

I don’t know what I did to deserve you but I am thankful that the Big Guy orchestrated everything to this point and He put you in my life. I will forever be thankful for you being in my life and I pray everyday we stay together forever. 

Always and Forever

                                                                                       M.M.

Thankful

It's Thanksgiving, and I know I have a lot to be thankful for.

M.m you're at the very top of the list  and you're also entries 2-10.

Every time I think about you, I'm filled with gratitude.

I'm so grateful to God for bringing you into my life. I honestly don't know where I'd be without you, my life would be so empty.

I'm thankful for your eyes and the way they sparkle 

I'm thankful for your values 

I'm thankful that you were raised to be such a gentleman 

I'm thankful for your tenacity and strength

I'm thankful for your incredible talents 

I'm thankful for your dazzling smile 

I'm thankful for your warm embrace 

I'm thankful for your refreshing honesty

I'm thankful for your kind heartedness
I'm thankful for your crazy alter ego
I'm thankful for your asshole moments

I'm thankful for your willingness to go to war

I'm thankful for your undying love

I'm thankful for your unwavering friendship 

I'm thankful for the man you are

I'm thankful for the man you will become

I'm thankful that you found me.

I'm thankful for you

And I'm thankful to you 

Today, and each and every day 

Happy thanksgiving baby

Forever and always,

m.

Ad.dic.tion

I am sitting here thinking about you, wishing I am with you now.

I want to see you smile or do the dance

I want to hear you laugh and that look on your beautiful face

You are my addiction

And I know been addicted is a scary thing

The thought, the need to satisfy the urge is crazy and a lot of people consider a bad thing.

Here is the thing M, I’m addicted to you

Not the kind that rehab / withdrawal can solve.

This type of addiction is a new one, it’s the type that you need more of.

You don’t need to take it in all the time, just being around satisfies you.

This kind of addiction is beautiful because this is the type I have.

I can’t get tired of it either can I have enough of it.

I will shout and scream to the rooftop, I will tell anyone who cares to know that I’m addicted to you

I have never understood what love means until you came into my life.

You light up my life, my world. You are my everything

I will tell every day that you are the most beautiful woman I’ve seen.

You make my life better and I know I get scared sometimes about losing you and here is why;

I feel like my life will be meaningless without you.

You are my everything and I love you endlessly.

I hear addictions are a bad thing, but you are one addiction I don’t want to get over and I want more of.

Always and Forever

                                                                                                     M.M.

I found you

I have found your smile 

That's the sweetest one I've known

I have heard within your voice

The echoes of my own,

I have felt your touch

Which stirs the longing of my heart 

And I can still feel the closeness

In the moments when we're apart 

I am filled with awe and wonder

At the way two lives can blend

To weave a perfect patten 

That is seamless, end to end

I believe some things in life are meant to be

For I have found my soulmate m.m,

My heart's own destiny. 

Always and forever,

m.

A

Dark Hole

I feel so confused and I can’t say I don’t know. There are a couple of things on my mind but the one that worries me the most is M.

There has been this vibe or feeling I can’t seem to shake off. The feeling that something is wrong, the feeling of being lost and scared. For the first time, I am second guessing myself. What have I done to make her feel like we are drifting apart. I know she tells me everything is fine but why do I feel more confused and scared. I want to help her out deal with what it is but I can’t seem to get through. There seems to be this wall around her not just blocking me but fighting back at me.

For the first time in my life I am scared and not at peace. This weekend has not been the best I must confess. Maybe is because we are both not feeling good and there were a lot of activities to be done and we sort of were apart this weekend but still we have been apart further in distance but this is different. I feel like I am on the outside and looking, I feel like I’m close to her but still I feel so far away.

I feel like it’s partly my fault but I can’t see what I’ve done and its killing me. Can this feeling pass please, I can’t handle this. It’s too much for me, it’s messing with my mind. I think about it and I am sad and I try to find something to do to distract myself but it’s not working. M, if you are reading this I am here for you. I will keep scratching on the walls, even if my nails bleed. I will dig to the foundations with my hands till I get to you. I love you with everything in me and I am sorry I can’t figure out what is wrong and what dark hole you are in because I will bring down the sun if I can to brighten that hole and drag you out.

I am here for you and I love so much.

Always and Forever

                                                                                                                                     M.M.

The key

For every echo of hurt I've felt,
For every ounce of neglect given to me at the expense of showing love to the wrong people,

Just know, for you and our future family,

I will love that much harder.

For every time you weren't acknowledged for the beautiful soul you are,

For every time you were forced to second guess your worth,

Just know, I will make up for what you didn't receive and love you to the point that you see why others didn't return and weren't fit to rescue your heart;

And that's because my return and refund of passion was all you needed to want, and all you will ever want to need.

For everything others were not,

I want to be.

Not just because, or to dive into your heart only to disappoint you like others have done too many times before.

But because I know you and our future family deserve to be valued and loved for eternity.

And fortunately, unlike others, I have the secret key to making you happy

Which is ... giving you all of me.

Focus and Scales

So, I have learnt this new trick, it’s called Focus.

I could do it but with this new trick it allows me to stay in the zone and also be happy.

I’m not having a good day but to be honest I’m not letting it get to me. I am just staying focused. The beauty about this is I am locked on just one thing; the thought of M, seeing her face, watching her smile, holding her hand and kissing her.

She is engraved in my every thought. I was a conversation with someone yesterday and the person said relationships have a way of making us either complete or broken. I said I totally get that because I’ve been at both ends of the scale. The first end which is broken starts off like you are whole and complete but gradually you realise just like a mug broken but just gummed together starts to sip out the contents in it and after a while it breaks. It leaves you sad, depressed and confused. You feel like you are not good enough and you don’t deserve anything life has to offer but the other end which is complete; you feel fulfilled, happy and like an immortal. There is a certain superhero swag you have in you, the way you walk, the way you think, the feeling envelopes you so much that people wonder sometimes what’s he on?

I used to be at the first end, I was broken, lost and felt like there was no hope. I saw you and I wished but the thing I have noticed is the universe has its own plan and when it is time, it works in your favour. I was finally noticed in spite of all the distractions, challenges, dudes, ladies in our path, we found each other, she finally saw me.  I’m at the complete end and I wonder sometimes how I survived at the opposite end. How was my life without you? Let me tell you this M, you complete me and because of that I will tell the whole world how love is really the most powerful emotion in the world because I’ve experienced it first-hand.

 You came into my life and gave it meaning. You lighten my world, you are an amazing beautiful, smart and perfect lady. I think that’s why God bought you into my life, to fix the cracks and show me that there is still a rare piece of gem that you’ve not seen. I created her on the 7^th day while I was resting, He really saved the best for last and I am thankful every day. It gets scary somethings because I look or think about you and you and more than I asked Him for. I get scared because you are too good to be true, I feel sometimes that you are too good for me, like what have I done to deserve the most beautiful woman I have seen. I get scared because I don’t ever want to live a day without, I want you in my life forever and some days. I want to grow old with you, come home to see your smile and our two mini muffins.

M, I promise you I will love you with everything in me, I will care for you, I will always hold your hand and let you know I am beside you through life, I will always kiss your forehead to let you know that you are never alone and we will always be a team. 

Always and Forever

                                                                                                                                    M.M.