I feel so confused and
I can’t say I don’t know. There are a couple of things on my mind but the one
that worries me the most is M.
There has been this vibe or feeling I can’t seem to shake
off. The feeling that something is wrong, the feeling of being lost and scared.
For the first time, I am second guessing myself. What have I done to make her
feel like we are drifting apart. I know she tells me everything is fine but why
do I feel more confused and scared. I want to help her out deal with what it is
but I can’t seem to get through. There seems to be this wall around her not
just blocking me but fighting back at me.
For the first time in my life I am scared and not at peace. This
weekend has not been the best I must confess. Maybe is because we are both not
feeling good and there were a lot of activities to be done and we sort of were
apart this weekend but still we have been apart further in distance but this is
different. I feel like I am on the outside and looking, I feel like I’m close
to her but still I feel so far away.
I feel like it’s partly my fault but I can’t see what I’ve
done and its killing me. Can this feeling pass please, I can’t handle this. It’s
too much for me, it’s messing with my mind. I think about it and I am sad and I
try to find something to do to distract myself but it’s not working. M, if you
are reading this I am here for you. I will keep scratching on the walls, even
if my nails bleed. I will dig to the foundations with my hands till I get to
you. I love you with everything in me and I am sorry I can’t figure out what is
wrong and what dark hole you are in because I will bring down the sun if I can
to brighten that hole and drag you out.
I am here for you and I love so much.
Always and Forever
M.M.
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