Broken Promise...

Have you ever felt so disappointed in yourself? That deep burn in your guts knowing that you messed up. Not just to yourself but to the one you love, I feel that now. Maybe that’s why I am still awake. Maybe that’s why even when you were laying down beside me, I still felt the unrest in my soul.

Here is the truth. I NEVER make promises; not because I can’t keep them just for the mere fact that I don’t want to ever disappoint anyone. I made a promise to you to stick by you through thick and thin, through good and bad, through happy times and sad ones but I failed you today. I let my ego, arrogance and stupidity get in the way. I left you even when I should have stayed closer to you. I made you cry which broke my heart because I hate when I see you that way. To be honest, I don’t know what got me more, the disappointed look you had in your eyes or the demeanour about how irritated you felt to be around me or the pain that you were going through and I felt you were trying to bottle up because saying it would have made the matter worse. I feel so lost for the first time in this. This is the first time I felt so scared because I felt like you were about to leave and walk out. This is the first time I am crying within me and trust me it’s worse than crying out.  

M, I am sorry. I wish there were words to express how sorry I am. I am laying down in this emptiness, I can smell you on my sheets and I have mixed feelings: one, that I was almost close to losing that smell and two, how I miss you so much. I’m sorry if I ever made you feel you were not important to me because that is biggest disappointment I can ever show you.

You are the most important person to me and I don’t take that for granted. I love you so much and I never want you to feel like the way you felt today. I’m sorry I broke the promise I made to you. I wish I could take back the hands of time and correct this mistake. I am not a perfect man babe but God knows I am working hard towards it.

I love you so much and from the deepest part of my heart I am sorry I broke my promise.