I did it again. I messed things up. I have been in bed and I cant sleep. I am here thinking why can't you just let things be. For the first time, I feel like this will always hang over us. It's already a bargaining chip but can you blame her. I always cause her pain, why can't I break the rule this once for her. I am here thinking about what I have done in this relationship. I messed things up again.
I am sorry M. I know it does make sense but I am. It's never been my intention to hurt you but I am okay. I made my choice and I have to live with it. I love you forever and that will never change. As much as I did this, I still want to kiss you and tell you good night, I want to randomly talk about stuff with you but I am scared I damaged the trust so I am here; my thoughts, you, my pain.
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