Sad & Confused

It's 5:40am and I have not slept. My head is aching, my eyes are hurting and yet all I can think about is you. Normally I should be jumping in the shower now to get ready for work but I’m not. I am here thinking of how to make things right. What scares me the most is the fact that I am about to travel and my mind wanders. What if this, what if that, yet all I want is your forgiveness.

I want things to go back to the way they were hours before I let it out. I want to hear your voice, your laughter, I want to feel the warmth of what your voice does to me which is a sense of being home. All I want is you.

What have I done? This feels different. Feel like I have broken the trust we had, feel like this is a York hanged over my neck, I feel so sad, depressed and heavy hearted. This is what it feels like to be in love, when you hurt someone but yet it’s more like you hurt yourself. I am here wondering what I would say to let things get back to normal and I can’t seem to find the words. All I wish for is you can let this go and understand where I am coming from. I had an agreement and I want to put it which makes no sense because it’s costing me my everything.

I love you M always and forever, forever and a day.